Palin’s Family Values: Un-Married with Children

As the Palin family continues their bizarre interpretation of good old-fashioned RNC family values, it’s amazing that Sarah manages to keep a straight face.

Now that the First Grandbaby has appeared more than a week late without benefit of the protections afforded those born into marriage, one has to ask why. Considering how apoplectic Evangelical Christians are about preserving teen virginity through ineffective chastity pledges, blocking sex education, and preventing LGBT marriages, it’s rather bizarre that the most public Evangelical politician doesn’t see the need to trot her kid down to the local Justice of the Peace? Hey, what’s good enough for Mama Palin and the First Dude should be good enough for the youngins, right?

For LGBT Americans denied the right to raise their children within the protection of marriage, the intentional out-of-wedlock Republican Evangelical Christian birth has to be yet another slap in the face. They’re waiting for the summer? Why– so they can have a big party and their baby can be the ring bearer?

Just wondering– what would have happened if Palin was moving this week to Washington, as Vice President? Would Bristol have gone with them, dragging the baby along, or would First Grandma have left Bristol behind to care alone for her new baby?

What about the First Grandbaby’s other illustrious grandma, Sherry Johnson, busted for possession? Apparently she sells Oxycontin pills for ten bucks a pop, giving grandmas and coffee klatches everywhere a bad name. Would her Secret Service detail make it tough for her to make it to her coffee klatch?

In Wasilla will the First Teen Parents live apart or will the First Dude-er be around for diaper duty, midnight feedings, and such? Or is he just visiting his child in the home of his not-yet-inlaws?

Is it meanness to focus on the family’s dysfunction, or is it a necessity, given Palin’s thirst for the political limelight and her ability to turn catastrophes from political suicide into a mere flesh wounds? American history is littered with the bodies of politicians felled by photo opps with vicious rabbits, tanks, boats named “Monkey Business”, and stained dresses, and it would be easy to assume that Palin’s surreal Cohen Brothers-esque Turkey Farm appearance sealed her fate. However, Palin’s biggest skill seems to be her ability to put an acceptable spin on things that Teflon Ronnie couldn’t have imagined. It would be a mistake to dismiss her, because marginalized and disgruntled rural blue-collar Americans feel she is one of them.

Before we ever get to the next election cycle, keep an eye on Palin, because she isn’t’ going to go away and she isn’t going to change her bullying Wild Wild West political style. She used her office to get her former brother-in-law fired, and managed to weasel out of that one. Now troopers report that her campaign stalled investigation into felony drug possession charges against daughter Bristol’s Baby Daddy’s own Momma (did you get that? There will be a quiz at the end.).

Palin brightly natters on, like a pretty Granny Clampitt, trying to sell her brood and her politics as the Poster Family for Evangelical Christian (Republican) values. What she does with her own family is her business until it gets sold to us packaged as good old-fashioned American values and politics-as-usual, appearing next on a ballot near you.

Bristol and Levi’s Wedding

So, when’s the Big Day for Bristol Palin and the First Baby Daddy, Levi Johnston? Lemme see– if the First Grandbaby is due in December, they’d better get busy pretty quick, since the Palin babies seem to come a month early.

To please her evangelical base, the First Shotgun Wedding should happen before the baby gets here, so the baby won’t be the First Bastard. Before the November 4th election would bring her some votes in Florida and Ohio. Palin and the First Dude went to the city clerk without telling their parents, even grabbing a couple of senior citizens from the nearby retirement home to be their witnesses.

So, why not march those kids down to the courthouse and make an honest girl out of Bristol? Is Levi remembering that he actually doesn’t want kids, as he said on his Facebook profile?

Are they waiting instead to make a tasteful political event, when McCain’s ratings need it the most? Will they sell the photo rights to TMZ or People Magazine to fund the baby’s college fund? Or maybe, the First Teen Parents’ college funds?

Where will the First Teen Parent Couple live after they’re married? At his parents’ home– or hers? The baby will be due shortly before the First Grandma and the First Grand-Dude plan to move to Washington, D.C.

Will the First Teen Parents move with them to D.C., or will the First Grandma move 4,312 miles away just when her oldest daughter needs her mom the most?

Is Bristol really in school in Anchorage or is she “home schooled”? By whom? Sarah apparently can’t govern without the First Dude, but apparently the kids don’t need their parents between now and November 4th? Why pull Bristol out of school in Wasilla where all her friends and support system are, and when her parents and Baby Daddy Levi live in Wasilla? Why separate Levi and Bristol?

Babies with Down Syndrome need lots of therapies in their first months, and getting schlepped around the country from one speaking engagement to another doesn’t leave time for Baby Trig to receive those.

It looks to me like it’s all about Sarah First. Everybody else gets in line, and everybody else’s needs come after her political ambitions.

Meanwhile, she’s hoping to position herself in such as way to limit our parenting choices. She wants us to leave her kids alone, but she wants to decide what we do with ours….

Watch Sarah Barracuda Burn It to The Wick

The Republicans don’t do their homework, and apparently don’t care if Bristol and Levi do theirs.

Although McBush and Palin stole their VP theme song from women’s rocker group Heart’s classic, “Barracuda”, they obviously didn’t get permission– or vet the lyrics. Check this out:

If the real thing dont do the trick
No, you better make up something quick
You gonna burn burn burn burn it to the wick
Ooooooohhhh, barra barracuda.

Oh, she’s gonna burn all right… she won’t hold up under scrutiny, and you don’t have to scratch the surface much to see that she’s more than happy to make things up when “the real thing don’t do the trick”.

It’s hard to know where she’s going to fizzle, but my guess is that American women are going to turn on her quickly. We don’t like liars, smug women, or moms who let their kids drop out of school while using them as props for their political gain.

If she presents herself as a hockey mom, we want to see her at Levi’s games, too.

Drop-outs Bristol and Levi being punished, protected or exploited?

What will happen to Bristol? The soon-to-be married teen mom will give birth a few weeks before her mom plans to move to Washington D.C.

Will Bristol, Levi and baby move with them, leaving all their friends and  family behind, or will Gov. Palin leave without them, so they can “grow up sooner than planned”?

If a kid ever needed her mom to be there for her, this would be the time.

Instead, the KIDS are suffering:

Both kids are pulled from school, sacrificing their senior year for what? The baby isn’t even here yet. The Gov. can squat between the furrows and have her baby, between keynote speeches and cross-country flights, but her daughter can’t go to school when she’s pregnant? 

The Gov. covers up the pregnancy and says the girl has mono, like it’s 1970 again and pregnancy is a disease that someone can catch. Heck, Palin didn’t even tell her own staffers she was having a baby until she was 7.5 months along….

The teen father is a hockey star. He can’t play hockey and be a dad? The Gov. can have FIVE kids, including a special needs newborn and still be a mom, so please explain the difference.

Are we PUNISHING the kids for getting pregnant by pulling them out of school? PROTECTING them from the public eye? Wasilla High School is where their friends and support system are. They aren’t being protected by being kept out of school.

If they want to protect these kids, why put them in the public eye so their MySpace page, meant for their teen FRIENDS is plastered all over MTV’s webpage? (Oh, that’s right– Obama made MTV do it. And I suppose it’s his fault that the media stalks Britney Spears, too?)

Now, the kids that Palin begs for us to “leave alone” will be publicly paraded around in Palin’s entourage, expected to sit up straight, slap a happy face on a very scary situation, and not mess things up for Mommy.

Mommy Palin is still Sarah Barracuda. Only now, her kids are in her way. So, they’ll give it a good try, bless their hearts. But, they shouldn’t have to be pregnant teens in a fishbowl. On stage on TV, waving the flag for Mommy Barracuda Palin.